When you are young you sit and theorise how your life is going to turn out, what you are going to do with it, where you are going to go and what sort of person you are going to be.
When I was young I wanted to be a lot of things, it changed a lot. At one point I even wanted to be a Silver Fern (our national Netball team) despite knowing that professional sports was always out of the question with my heart. When I was really little I wanted to be exactly like my big sister, so anything she wanted to do I wanted to do as well. Then as I grew older I learnt that I was a lot different from her and had to find my own path through life, I still think she is a wonderful, beautiful person but we are not the same person.
The older I got I knew I wanted to be a mum, that stayed constant. When I left school I wanted to be an artist, I did a year of Art school and realised that if I wanted to be a mum I needed to have something more stable to support my family and allow me to be as artistic as I wanted to be. So I studied science, it was something that also interested me and something I was naturally good at.
What you want in life changes constantly, we all had some idea of how we wanted our lives and so many people end up frustrated and upset because things didn’t turn out how they wanted them. Or they put off the things they really wanted to do because they put what other people wanted for their lives before what they wanted. I didn’t do that. I have always followed my heart and what has felt right, sometimes it has lead me in directions that I probably should’ve avoid but there is nothing I regret. Everything I have faced has taught me a lot about myself, about the world, about almost everything and because of that I can honestly say I have no regrets. With that though I would never ever wish to go back to certain situations I have been in. Looking back I was extremely stupid at times, extremely naive and extremely immature. But these are things that only age and life experience can teach you.
Tomorrow is my 27th birthday, what do I wish for this year? To be honest nothing.
I have everything I need and want. I never imagined I would have someone in my life who wouldn’t just be understanding of my underlying weirdness and issues (I have a severe anxiety disorder which I have had all my life and have depression at times). I always underlyingly felt alone because no one really understood the weird things I do and why some things are so hard for me. Or even why some days the simplest of things could be extremely difficult for me. I realised the other day that other then my parents I have only ever managed to live with anyone for two and a half years before things fell apart, until now that is. So that being said I have an amazing partner who I love very much and who loves me fiercely. He hasn’t just supported me and understood me, but he has looked after me, encourages me daily, and helped me feel comfortable with just being me. But most of all he has given me something that surpases any present anyone could ever buy and that is our Little Man. He is the most amazing little creature I have ever met and even though at times being a mum is hard it is the most worthwhile thing I have ever done in my life. I have a home, a roof over my head, a bed to curl up and food in my stomach and love in my life. What more could I want?
Getting older can be scary, facing the unknown is always scary. But when you have people by your side that absolutely love you, you can get through anything as long as you stick together.