I’ve always been one for reflection on ones life and maybe I do it a little more then most. But I find it keeps you in touch and in contact with not only your inner self but with the reality around you.
Since having my son I’ve been more at peace and have been reconnecting myself to a part of me that I hadn’t been in touch with for a very very long time. Maybe that is the hippy side of me, the wild child but what I’ve realised is I never lost that side of me in the first place it just became stuck behind a very high wall that was built by events and circumstances that have happened to me throughout my life.
I’ve always been a very passionate according to some (Mr. urbanhomesteadnz) opinionated person. It isn’t that I don’t respect other peoples opinions I just know my own mind, beliefs, morals etc. that are behind everything I do and I have no problem with sharing them but I couldn’t care less if anyone else had the same opinion. This is where the rebellious, punk-ish side of me comes in. Many people I went to high school with would probably be surprised that I now have a blog on homesteading and am some what domesticated. Trust me all is not lost and this illusion of domestication still comes with a bite. The English Made Dr. martens get worn regularly, I have tattoos, I have a belly bar with a radioactive skull on it and when my partner and Little Man are having there daily nap I clean to the likes of Mudvayne, Rage against the machine, Korn or occasionally Pantera.
Sure my partner and I don’t have stretchers in our ears, dramatic colors in our hair, ripped jeans or get drunk at every opportunity any more but the spirit is still there. Some may say I lost my fire and I’ll agree for awhile I did, I burnt out, I let life get to me but trust me the fire is still there just less people see it because these days I’m in control.
In a way I may have found the wild child who could easily spend hours tending to plants with dirt on her knees, bare feet and a peacefulness that only comes with either naivety or understanding. But even though it appears I have lost my crazy passionate punk-ish side instead the two have finally come together to create something unique. I’m no longer fighting internally and I guess in a way my son and our home has solidified my ability to just be despite the fact I am a complete walking contradiction.
This post really is just me blabbering my thoughts on to paper or in this case a computer but my point to it is you don’t have to be just one thing, like a garden, like homesteading, like the world; a person can be made up of many many parts. Nothing is ever truly lost and everything can always be found again. There is a song on ‘Adventure Time’ yes I watch cartoons the lyrics essentially say that what you lose you will find where you left it may have just changed a little. It’s a beautiful song.
Here I will link it:Everything Stays, the song is written by Rebecca Sugar and performed by both her and Olivia Olson. The writer posted on her tumblr that her inspiration came from an old memory of finding an old stuffed toy rabbit in her garden and said “It wasn’t better, or worse, just different. It was the first time I realized that things will change no matter what, even if they’re left alone, and stay completely still.” Which a slightly different meaning then what I got from it but that is part of art and music that I love everything is open to interpretation.